CubsSalad

Starlin Haiku

2011-04-18T07:39:00.001-07:00

Starlin Castro rocks!
The best part of every game
is him at the plate.

Week One Re-cap

2011-04-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

The Cubs still can't seem to win a series over the Pirates of Pitt,
The bullpen still (except for a few) still looks like shit,
Not even one week in and there are two starting pitchers on the DL,
What's going on at second base, only time will tell,
Good news is that the Cubs are over .500 for the first time this season, (and last season),
So I guess I'll keep watching (as if I need a reason).

Worth watching for Pena, Castro, Colvin and Barney,
Don't forget Rami and Reed and Geo and Sori.
Woody is back, so that makes my day,
But so is Samardjza, and to that I say Nay!

Opening Day

2011-04-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

It's opening day,
and far, far away,
I sit watching the Cubs on TV.
It's cold in the city,
But I don't really pity,
Those sitting where I'd like to be.
There are some new faces,
Running the bases,
But some old friends are back too I see.
Rami, Colvin, Byrd,
And Woody's back, have you heard?
But what is up with those curls on Big Z?
I should be happy today,
With the season underway,
But I'm feeling sadness in me
There is something out of place,

and it's not seeing Ronnie's face

Next to Pat in the booth, Aw Geez.

Miss you big guy.

Mesa - 80 degrees and sunny...

2011-03-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

Chicagoland - not so much.

Who's ready for spring?

Oh happy days are here again!

2010-12-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

CUBS, RIGHT-HANDED PITCHER KERRY WOOD AGREE TO 2011 CONTRACT

RIP Ronnie

2010-12-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

Miss you already.

See Ya Next Season - I'm done

2010-08-01T13:07:00.001-07:00

Hope we see you in a Cubs uniform again Ted - hopefully next year.

So this blog is going dark for the rest of the season to honor the loss of one bad-ass pitcher named The-Adore R. Lilly. It was bad enough blogging about how terrible the Cubs are this season, but now I just can't do it anymore. The men in charge have decided to just give up and get rid of the best pitcher they have, and a semi-decent second baseman, both of whom are clubhouse and fan favorites. Um, Mr. Ricketts? This is not a way to get more people to buy tickets and come to games. People don't even want to watch these miserable games on TV anymore. Now there is no reason to watch. No Teddy. No Riot. No will to win. This fan is done. I will be back next year, assuming Ted is too.

"Look, I don't know, Hrrrumph"

2010-07-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

Bye Lou - Here's hoping your replacement knows how to fix this team.

Here's a toast to Lou Pinella,
He really is quite a nice fella,
But he lost the fire in his belly
His stomach is turning to jelly,
So it's time to say, ciao mia bella

OK, I know I just said "goodbye my pretty" to Lou, but in my defense, there is very little that rhymes with Pinella. Just sayin.

It's time to say goodbye to 'ol Lou,
It will be hard to fill in his shoes.
Although it's sad to see him go
We are hoping to maybe get Rhyno
and we want Mad Dog to coach as well too!

Nyah, Nyah, I Can't Hear You

2010-07-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

I have seen the blogs, heard the rumors and at this point am firmly in denial that the Cubs will trade their own Man of Steel, Mr. Ted Lilly. Now you all know about my crush on the lefty with an attitude. Many a post has been dedicated to him. I cannot imagine the team without him. I can't imagine my blog with out him. OK, back to denial, that's my happy place.

Bringing Back my Ode to Ted, I hope this isn't the last time it's read.

It's the night before Tedsday, and across Chicagoland
The air is filled with anticipation.
W Flags are unfolded with the utmost of care,
in the hopes that Tedsday would soon be there.

As I lay all snug in my bed,
I had dreams about all things good about Ted
His doe-like eyes, filled with steel,
His generosity to children, helping them heal.

His fast ball, his slider, his curve ball too,
they all help gets wins for the boys in blue.
Don't be fooled by Ted's crafty smile,
He'll mow you down and you'll be out by a mile.

The next morning from dreams did I part,
to get all my chores done before Ted's start,
I washed the dishes, I mowed the lawn,
So I would be ready when Teddy was on.

Come on Byrd, and Colvin, and Soto and Rami,
Come on now Castro and big D-Lee,
Score some runs to help out Ted's attack,
and show Teddy that you have his back.

Send that baseball to the sky above,
and earn all of the Cub fan love.
To the top of the scoreboard, over the wall
Now hit away, hit away, hit away all!

So why you ask, do I love all things Ted?
Here are some reasons that come to my head.
The man saves puppies, and little bugs,
He makes the girls swoon and dream of Ted hugs,
Ted plays hard, and refuses to fold,
He has the heart of a tiger, and it's made of gold

Sweet Sweep, made me weep

2010-07-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

The Cubs sweep the Diamondbacks

Ramirez had a 3-run jack,

The bullpen didn't suck for a day

The offense remembered how to play

I hope that for goodness sake

They don't forget how during the All Star Break!

Guns for America

2010-07-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

In case you think I'm just shooting off about the second amendment to the Constitution of the US of A, take a gander at the ARMS in that photo!

Marion Byrd, deservedly so, is the sole rep for the Cubs in the All Star Game. I personally hope the jerseys are sleeveless this year. Anyone with me?

Is there any reason to watch this team?

2010-06-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Now that the "BP Environmental Disaster" trophy has been appropriately awarded to the south side, I can emerge from my self-imposed exile from watching the Cubs. But then I ask myself why I would do this, and I have no answer. Maybe a list would help.

Reasons to watch the Cubs
10. Filthy Marm. But that would mean the Cubs would have to score runs to be in a save situation.
9. Big Z is gone
8. Make up a drinking game that is tied to the number of errors made
7. Another game - Guess the number of times the announcers mention Carlos Zambrano's melt-down
6. This may be the last time you will see some of your favorite players play for the Cubs
5. Byrd
4. Byrd
3. Byrd
2. - deleted for lack of interest
1. Tyler Colvin!!

I couldn't even think of 10 reasons, so that kind of says it all, doesn't it?

Ted's One-Hitter

2010-06-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm boycotting the "BP Cup" not only because the sponsor is an irresponsible, criminally negligent company that doesn't give a rat's ass about anything but profit, but also because neither the Cubs nor the White Sox thought it was a bad idea to play for the BP cup, referring to the worst man-made disaster and the loss of 11 oil workers lives as "unfortunate."

It took all the restraint I had however, when a friend called me to see if I was watching Ted Lilly's no-hitter. I was not. And I did not turn on the TV even after that phone call, but I did get another call that confirmed he had given up one hit in the ninth. I can't believe how many times poor Teddy has come this close to a no-hitter. Hugs and kisses go out to Ted on a game well played, even if your teammates could only manage to scratch up one run in your support.

I have not been inspired lately

2010-05-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to come up with a verse or two about how the Cubs have been playing lately, but there isn't much that rhymes with "under 500". There have been some very, very sad moments (losing to the Pirates) and some pretty darn surprising moments (Sori saves the game with a great defensive play), and love, love, love for Carlos Silva. I think I love him even more knowing that we got him in a trade for MB. That just makes me laugh uncontrollably.

Silva came to the Cubs in a trade
No one was sure if a good deal was made
But Silva has been an ace
While MB is still a big head case
So I think we can say "it's worth what we paid"

We could all use a break from the Cubs...

2010-05-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

Since the Cubs have been about as dangerous as a basket of kittens lately, I think it's only fair that I let my kitten (well, OK, big fat cat)tell it like it is.

I dare you to rub my belly

Does this belt make me look fat?

I am so ticked off that the Cubs are playing so crappy, I'm just going to sit behind the speaker so I can't even hear the game.

It's Hard to Be a Cubs Fan

2010-05-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

It's hard to be a Cubs fan,
To stay hopeful every day.
Sometimes even when I can,
I don't want to watch them play.
I cringe at every strikeout,
I groan when opponents score,
Each game fills me with doubt,
But I keep coming back for more.
I swore that I wouldn't care,
But I couldn't turn away,
So I watch and pull my hair,
Waiting for "someday".

Fonzy Gets His Props (and his own limerick)

2010-05-04T08:29:00.001-07:00

There is a left fielder who hop was quite hated,
Many Cubs fans thought he should be traded,
But then he came out of his slump,
so we longer care about the jump,
and there is no more talk of him being over-rated.

So the question is can Fonzy keep up his hitting,
boosted by the fans cheers that he keeps on getting,
If he doesn't keep it up,
The left field bleachers will erupt,
and upon the bench he will be a sitting.

Sweeping Wins

2010-04-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

My first ball game of the season, and I'm watching it in a dome,
Boy how I wish I was watching the Cubbies play at home.
The good part is that Wrigley North is almost a home game,
Lots of Cubs fans make the trek, even if Miller Park is lame.
They've got trivia contests and concourse games and Bernie Brewer slide,
It's kind of lame but it looks like fun, so I wouldn't turn down a ride.
I can't forget the sausage races, is the Hot dog ever a winner?
and if the Italian sausage wins, does that mean I can't have him for dinner?
Fuke and Colvin and Lee and Soto all hit home runs,
and Theriot was the MAN today, he was really having fun.
But the best part is that the Cubs sweep with a game that was WELLs played
and even leaving wasn't hard since not many Brewers fans stayed.

and the winner is? They had big and little sausages today, so it was really hard to see who won.

Also - Colvin and race car driver Denny Hamlin - related?

Some LaTroy Love

2010-04-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

There is a pitcher named LaTroy,
Who had these dreams as a boy,
To play for the Cubs,
and get some Wrigley fan love,
That they came true years apart brought him no joy.

Home Opener WIN!

2010-04-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

A home opener win for the boys in blue,
A sigh of relief for me and you.
Although the bullpen still makes me cringe,
At least I'm off of my vodka binge.
I decided if I care too much about every loss
I won't have a liver by the end of August.
So I'll watch the games without my hands over my eyes,
and just enjoy watching my guys.

It's the "I can't stand to watch" Haiku

2010-04-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Depression sets in
Only two wins in five games
Is all hope gone now?

Wells gets the Cubs first W of 2010

2010-04-09T05:37:00.000-07:00

Well(s), the Cubs finally get a win,
But what a state they put me in.
I heard Pat say "Grabow"
and yelled out NOOOOO!
and then I reached for the gin.

Grrrrabow, a limerick

2010-04-08T05:31:00.000-07:00

There is a Cubs pitcher, John Grabow
Who is not much relief at all
With one short play,
He ruined Dempster's day,
Now I'd like to smash his head into a wall,
I'll try for less violence -
I wish he'd climb a mountain and fall
Let's try this again -
He should be beaten repeatedly with the home run ball.
Well, I tried.

Opening Day Haiku #2 & More

2010-04-06T06:11:00.000-07:00

Opening Day Haiku #2

Not encouraging
An embarrassment for all
Shake it off and win!

After yesterday's game, I had to ask myself why.

Why?

Why did Big Z collapse on the mound?
Why was the defense so unsound?
Why is Soriano still wearing Cubby Blue?
Why? Why? Why? Should we blame it on Lou?

Why does Samardzja think he can throw?
Why does he not know where the ball's supposed to go?
Why does he keep getting chances when he is so vile?
Why? Why? Why? Should we blame it on Rothchild?

Why are the umpires so evil and mean?
Why do they seem to hate my team?
Why is umpire Marvin Hudson (for one) such a dud?
Why? Why? Why? should we blame it on Bud?

Why do we still aim for a WS win?
Why does that aim just lead us to gin?
Why are the chances for a post-season so remote?
Why? Why? Why? Should we blame it on the goat?

Why did I let my hopes get so high?
Why do those hopes continue to die?
Why do I continue to stand by my team?
Why, I'm a Cubs fan, so blame that on me!

Opening Day Haiku

2010-04-05T07:30:00.001-07:00

On opening day
I am hopeful for the year
The future is bright.

The Cubs are Back on WGN

2010-03-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

So Sunday I watched my first Cubs game of the season. All I can say is, it's going to be a long season.

First, the highlights: "Star" Castro, The Riot - he earned that lead off spot! Little Lord Fontenot - He really worked for the 2B spot, hitting a solo HR in the fifth.

Kevin Millar had an RBI double in the first inning and also hit a two-run homer in the third inning. Marlon Byrd had an RBI single in the first inning. Starlin Castro had an RBI double and an RBI single while Micah Hoffpauir added a run-scoring double in the seventh inning.

Scary moments - Lee has been sidelined with a bruised left foot and Ramirez has a sore right triceps muscle. GET BETTER SOON GUYS!!

Randy Wells allowed six runs on six hits in one inning. The Cubs did come back to win it though!

The Good, The Bad, and the Not So Ugly Truth About Xavier Nady

2010-01-28T10:23:00.000-08:00

The Cubs are close to a deal with Xavier Nady, and with all Cubs acquisitions, we must ask ourselves the very important questions about the deal, is he good-looking, and is he worth it?

The Good. The offer is for a one-year contract, and seeing that Nady had his second Tommy John surgery just months ago, (The Bad) I think the Cubs will get him cheap.

The Bad. The price we have to pay may mean that Reeeeed is gone. Although the Cubs are still under contract with Johnson, so he may be back on the bench, he could get more playing time by going elsewhere, and we should be happy for him, right? Even though on the inside our hearts are breaking?

The Good and Bad. Having a name that starts with X is pretty cool. But now we have to endure all those catchy headlines like "The X Factor", "X marks the spot", etc...

The not so ugly. Other than losing points for being in a Yankees uniform, Nady passes my "Cuteness Test".

Girls - you decide -- cute enough to wear a Cubs uniform?

Lilly back to sassy self at Cubs Convention

2010-01-18T11:07:00.000-08:00

AND: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLbRbOgE3d4

Now that Milton Bradley is gone, who will pick up the torch and provide some controversy for the Chicago media?

"Maybe I can stir it up," Ted Lilly said. "I can figure out something, just in case you guys get bored." Can Lilly be tricked into saying something he doesn't want to say, as Bradley said he was when he claimed the umpires had a vendetta against him?
"Sure, you have many times," he said. "I can trick myself."

Lilly also said his shoulder rehab is going fine, and he will "listen to his body" when it comes to how hard the workouts are. I'm just wondering if I can get that on iTunes?

Carlos spent some time in the off season buying some sharp threads. Nice!

Geo cleaned up and lost all that "munchies weight". He's looking mighty fine as well.

If it weren't for all the crazy crowds of people, I'd manage a trip to the convention, but I've heard it's pretty nuts. Then again, Ted was there, so it probably would have been worth it. (or I could be in jail this morning)

Dear Milty, don't let the locker room door hit you on the way out

2009-12-20T14:50:00.000-08:00

Nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah
Hey hey hey
Goodbye!

There once was a psycho named Bradley
Who had an iron clad contract, quite sadly
After one final meltdown,
He was ran out of Chi-town,
And fans rejoiced madly.

Miles Away Limerick

2009-12-08T12:03:00.000-08:00

There once was a ball player named Miles
Who made people wince when he smiled
He had a rep as a bad ass,
but he only had bad stats
so now he's going to Oakland for a while

Bye Foxy, we will miss you

2009-12-04T06:38:00.000-08:00

Might as well dig this out of the archives for one last read.

Fox Rocks
Fox rocks in batters box
Fox knocks
Fox socks
Fox knocks ball for blocks and blocks
Fox in box just socks and rocks
Four runs score on slam from box
Chicks in bricks and ivy dig Fox
Chicks in bricks and ivy dig jocks)
Fox, you rock, our game is done, sir.
Thank you for a lot of fun, sir

Dodgers Win

2009-10-10T18:24:00.001-07:00

End of Year Recap - Who Do I Never Want to See in a Cubs Uniform Ever Again

2009-10-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

Well, at least we didn't have to watch them get swept in the playoffs.

There were a lot of disappointments this season, but I can narrow most of my disappointment down to two things. Replacing Mark DeRosa with Aaron Miles (are you f-ing kidding me, Hendry?) and replacing closer Kerry Wood for Kevin Gregg(see above).

So here is my final list of the season, the players I never want to see in a Cubs uniform ever again, and the players I really want to see back, even though they may have had issues this year.

Never a Cub:
Aaron Miles!
Milton Bradley!
I don't think there is any explaination needed for those two.

Tom Gorzelanny
John Grabow
Kevin Gregg
Angel Guzman

(If you are a pitcher, and your last name begins with "G", you should be Gone. Sorry Guz, I liked your stuff, but you were hurt too much. I never warmed up to Grabow or Gorzelanny, and Gregg, well, that pretty much speaks for itself.)

Cotts - I add him to the list just in case anyone ever thinks of bringing him up from the minors again, please, please don't.

David Patton - meh

Mike Fontenot - mediocre at best. I'd rather see Baker at 2nd.

Kosuke Fukudome - doesn't impress me much, I like Gooch better.

Forever a Cub:
Infield - Lee, Ramirez and Theriot should not be going anywhere, and with them keep Jeff Baker and Jake Fox. Micah Hoffpauir should stay, maybe in the outfield.
Outfield - Reed Johnson, So Taguchi, Sam Fuld and Tyler Colvin.

Starting Pitching:
Lilly
Zambrano
Dempster
Wells
Marshall
Maybe another lefty from somewhere if there is someone available that isn't awful.

Pretty much gut the relief staff and start over. Maybe keep Samardija. He seems to have gotten better control this last stint in the minors, but I wouldn't start him.

That pretty much sums it up, don't go F it all up this off-season Hendry!

Wrigley Weather - Canadian Cold Front

2009-09-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

CUBS WIN!

IT DOESN'T MATTER, THEY ARE ELIMINATED FROM THE PLAYOFFS ANYWAY!

It was a beautiful night at Wrigley, the boys looked hot, the weather was cool, and 10,000 people got Fergie Jenkins bobbleheads!

Yes, that is Micah's ass. You're welcome.

Wrigley at night, what a sight.

Poor Kevin Hart......

D-Lee's ass, I mean D-Lee at the plate.

Stoney LaRue sang the National Anthem. I didn't know who he was either. (a country-rock singer from Texas that seemed to be buddies with Randy Wells)

My new Cubs hat!

Cubs Lose Finale to Brewers, Fans Shrug

2009-09-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

Those of you that were brave enough to watch this game saw a rare, not often seen phenomenon. Jeff Samardjida actually pitched well, and even hit a home run. The rest of the team was something we have all seen before, ad-nauseam, which is that the offense didn't really show up to play.

Now the Cubs are off to San Fran to play a half-way decent team (i.e. over .500), so we will see what kind of crazy things Lou does with the line-up there.

Bruce? You Decide

2009-09-22T19:49:00.001-07:00

Say it Ain't True Lou - Ted skipped in rotation

2009-09-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

Yikes! Cubs.com announced yesterday that Jeff Samardzija will take Ted's start against the Brewers due to tenderness in Ted's shoulder. (I am officially offering a rub down Ted.)

Why do we keep giving this shark guy chances when he has not once shown any glimmer of talent worthy of the faith Lou and others clearly have in him?

So why is he called "The Shark"? Here are a few of my thoughts on that subject:
10) He really wanted a career as a swimmer, but he was trying out against Michael Phelps
9) Because he is aggressive? As in he aggressively throws balls into the dirt in front of the plate?
8) He gave himself the nickname so he would appear to be scarier than he actually is.
7) S-H-A-R-K - Samardzija's Harmless As a Rambunctious Kitten?
6) He likes to swim under water and grab people's legs?
5) People from Notre Dame can't spell Samardzija - and "shark" was the closest word they could find to it?)FYI, spell check gave me "Samosas"", "Mesozoic", and "Surmises".
4) Cottsucker was already taken?
3) He has VERY pointy teeth? I've never seen him smile, have you?
2) He looks like he might be drowning out there on the mound?
and the #1 reason Jeff Samardzija is called "The Shark".....

1) Because sharks do not have fingers and can therefore NOT throw a ball?

I apologize to all those (or that) Samardzija fan(s) out there, but it is hard to like a guy with an ERA of 7.89. (and this season has made me very, very bitter and mean.)

Cubs Finally Win One in St. Louis

2009-09-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well the Cubs managed to not get swept by the Cardinals. That is the only positive thing I can say about this weekend. Two walk-off wins for the dirty birds, who tried to do it again on Sunday, but were stopped by a base running gaffe,which was thankfully caught by the umpires. Clearly, if the Cubs could hold their own against the birdies for 9 innings twice and 11 innings once, then perhaps that means the Cubs aren't all the bad after all? In actuality, it means the Cards are not all that good, and will hopefully fade away after the first round of the playoffs.

And now, if looking at Brendan Ryan for three days did not make your eyes bleed, we have to face the bug-eyed Braun and his fat friends from up north. AY YI YI!

The space between the tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more. -Dave Matthews Band

And now, my only comment on the Milton Bradley suspension:
~ How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. ~

Starting pitching implodes after carrying the team all season

2009-09-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

Can't really blame Randy Wells and Rich Harden for having a bad night. Many of the losses they took this season were through no fault of their own, so they were maybe due for a bad start? Although Rich, you have already had your share, so shape up!

I think a split with the trolls from up north was the fork in the 2009 season we all anticipated but don't really want to admit until the ugg-mo's from STL clinch it. Just typing that makes me want to puke.

For the Ladies

2009-09-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

Too bad his arm was not as good as his ass last night...

Cubs sweep Reds, oh wait, they don't

2009-09-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

The Cubs should have swept the Reds, but all efforts to tie the game on Saturday only ended in a very painful ninth with Marmol on the mound. Nuff said on that.

Moving on to Sunday, where tough guy Lilly got his twelfth win on the season, a season that should have seen him with 18 or more wins, no thanks to the offense. Grabow tried to pull a Marm pulling a Gregg, but managed to allow only 2 runs. (That's why they call them insurance runs folks!)

Speaking of offense, nice that some guys (I'm talking to you Geo) have decided that they DO know how to hit, but too little, too late? I'm not sure I even have it in me to watch a potential run for the division, or even the wildcard. I think in my mind I have already accepted that this season is over.

I do like that the Cardinals have slumped rather hard and took a sweep from the Braves. GO BRAVES! (I will not go so far as to do that hand chopping thing though) Let's hope that losing trend continues.

So we are now facing the Brewers and that big fat asshole Prince. If you didn't see him "bowl down" his teammates after a walk off home run, you didn't miss anything except his head getting bigger. Gonna be bigger than his ass pretty soon. See what happens if he tries that shit at Wrigley. Of course, I hope he doesn't even get the opportunity -- they should walk him every time he's up. Just because it would piss him and the booers off.

The Night Before Tedsday

2009-09-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

It's the night before Tedsday, and across Chicagoland
The air is filled with anticipation.
W Flags are unfolded with the utmost of care,
in the hopes that Tedsday would soon be there.

As I lay all snug in my bed,
I had dreams about all things good about Ted
His doe-like eyes, filled with steel,
His generosity to children, helping them heal.

His fast ball, his slider, his curve ball too,
they all help gets wins for the boys in blue.
Don't be fooled by Ted's crafty smile,
He'll mow you down and you'll be out by a mile.

The next morning from dreams did I part,
to get all my chores done before Ted's start,
I washed the dishes, I mowed the lawn,
So I would be ready when Teddy was on.

Come on Bradley, and Rami, and Soto and Foxy,
Come on now Fuke and Riot and now big D-Lee,
Score some runs to help out Ted's attack,
and show Teddy that you have his back.

Send that baseball to the sky above,
and earn all of the Cub fan love.
To the top of the scoreboard, over the wall
Now hit away, hit away, hit away all!

So why you ask, do I love all things Ted?
Here are some reasons that come to my head.
The man saves puppies, and little bugs,
He makes the girls swoon and dream of Ted hugs,
Ted plays hard, and refuses to fold,
He has the heart of a tiger, and it's made of gold.

Watching yesterday's game was like...

2009-09-04T05:26:00.001-07:00

...eating a shit sandwich. Hold the pickle.

CPR started, season coming back to life?

2009-09-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

Just when you were sure the season was dead,
and you started thinking about football instead
a glimmer of life did appear in the park
like a light at the end of a tunnel of dark.

A new month, a few wins, and we're back in the game,
the more optimistic and foolhardy exclaim,
But without help, winning the division would be hard
But let's not forget we could get the wildcard!

I don't want to be the voice of reason,
I want to believe there is more to this season,
But reality is, it would take a miracle or more
to make up for the last few months of scores.

So I'll watch, but I won't be quite as invested
And I certainly will be much more rested
if the boys in blue prove me wrong,
I'll be there in October singing that song
GO CUBS GO

Season. Fork.

2009-08-31T05:40:00.000-07:00

Fox in Box Rocks on Fox (TV)

2009-08-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

Fox Rocks
Fox rocks in batters box
Fox knocks
Fox socks
Fox knocks ball for blocks and blocks

Fox in box just socks and rocks
Four runs score on slam from box
Chicks in bricks and ivy dig Fox
(Chicks in bricks and ivy dig jocks)

Fox, you rock, our game is done, sir.
Thank you for a lot of fun, sir.

My apologies to Dr. Seuss

Ted screwed out of win again

2009-08-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

...and if anyone is going to screw Teddy, it's going to be...wait, where was I? Oh, yeah, Ted pitched his sweet ass off yesterday, (2 ER, 2BB, 2 SO) but got little help from his friends, getting another no decision. For those of you keeping track, that's five no decisions. Add to that the fact that at least 5 of his 8 losses were not his fault, and Teddy should have about 17 wins about now instead of the nine he is credited with. I like my math better.

Awesome awesomeness

This coulld have been a stellar year for Teddy. In the 142 innings he's pitched, he has allowed 53 earned runs, struck out 118 and walked only 29. Harden and Dempster have more strikeouts than Ted, but almost twice as many walks. To further show how awesome his 29 BB's are (stay with me here, I'm on a roll), Keven Gregg has pitched 60.2 innings and has 24 BBs, five less than Ted, if you don't want to do the math. Marmol, the new closer, is even worse, with 56 BBs in almost the exact number of innings as Gregg. So he should be the closer? Either Guzman or Gorzelanny would be a better choice, as their BB to SO ratio is much more pleasant. Guzman has 19 BBs with 44 SOs and Gorz has 10 BBs to 27 walks.

I, of course, don't make those decisions. I just bitch about it on my blog.

Hang in there kitty, the season's almost over

2009-08-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

Now, where did I put that 'W' flag?

2009-08-27T05:40:00.000-07:00

Rich Harden can beat the Nats in his sleep.

That's all I got.

Cubs host batting practice for the gNats

2009-08-26T05:50:00.000-07:00

I was just going to keep posting pictures of beer instead of any commentary on the Cubs. I have run out of synonyms for sucking.

Let's spell it out for those of you that still think the Cubs have a chance.

Well, at least I was happy for one day

2009-08-21T06:58:00.000-07:00

Guzman gave up a grand slam and after that I turned the TV off and went to bed. Before Angel uncharacteristically gave up the GS, the Cubs were hanging in there at 2-2. I think Angel has been drinking from the same water bottle as Kevin Gregg. He WAS the only relief pitcher that didn't make me cringe when I saw him warming up. Now they all do.

Rich Harden Rocks!

2009-08-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

Rich "The Stud" Harden pitched his very nice little buns off last night with one hit and eight strikeouts over seven innings. The the offense actually backed him up with RUNS!

Heroes of the night were Ramirez (with 3 RBIs!), Bradley (1 hit, 1 RBI and 3 walks!), Theriot (2 hits!), and Baker and Fuke also got key hits.

So folks, is there hope for the rest of the season? I was ready to put a fork in the season (or K. Gregg's eye), but then last night the team actually played like a team, making me feel all bad about giving up on them.

So long 2009 season, it wasn't fun

2009-08-19T06:12:00.000-07:00

So the 2009 season is over. At least any post-season play hopes can be buried, along with our crushed hearts, high blood pressure, and Xanax habits. As any Cub fan knows, there is always next year, or the year after that, or after that, or after that...to infinity and beyond.

Another positive spin, the Cubs won't get swept in the first series of the playoffs again. Yippee skippy. And I can concentrate of football in October instead of dividing my loyalties.

I have tickets to a game at the end of September,(hey at time it seemed like a good idea) and I cannot imagine how depressing it's going to be. Maybe by then I'll be resigned to the fact that the Cubs will not be winning any pennant with 2009 on it.

Gregg - You're Fired!

2009-08-18T15:57:00.000-07:00

And I can only say "What the hell took you so long?" If the team had been able to ACTUALLY GET SOME RUNS, the game never would have been left in Gregg's clearly not capable hands.

Ted pitched very Ted-like, gave up only four hits and one walk over six innings, striking out four. But the rest of the team let him down, failing to score a run until the ninth inning, and the closer failing to even look like a baseball player. Gregg, in 2/3 of an inning, gave up four runs on 2 hits and had 2 base on balls. Does that sound like a closer to you?

Meanwhile, the team couldn't buy a run off a pitcher with an ERA of 4.32, or even 7.04. The only run came from a D-Lee triple and a Rami single. Where is that team that scored 10 runs in one inning? If this team cannot win against that kind of pitching, what will they do against the Dodgers? I cringe at the thought.

HAPPY TEDSDAY EVERYBODY!!

2009-08-17T14:42:00.001-07:00

Our left-handed hero is on the mound tonight and I could only be happier if I could actually SEE it. I have no TV coverage (how dare they not show Ted's triumphant return on national TV?), so I will have to just be content with looking at the many pictures I have of Ted, (most obtained legally) while listening to Pat and Ron.

The Pirates of Pittsburg: At Divisions End

2009-08-16T05:49:00.000-07:00

Aye, matey, the Cubs did beat up on the hapless pirates, but what were ye expecting? If there were no scurvy-dog pirates, we might never have won a game - or two.

The first game, coming off of a miserable road trip, was prettier than a comely beer wench, it was. The pirates could not do anything right, and the tough bunch of baby bears could do no wrong. Aye, tis a beautiful thing it was.

The next game was still a winner, but not as spectacular. Still, the scallywags in blue did mop the deck with the oft-beaten 'rats. Tom Gorzelanny, otherwise known as Cap'n Bart Graybeard, allowed only one run on three hits while striking out eight in five innings. Adjusting well to his new crew, Jeff "Syd the Dagger" Baker and the aforementioned Cap'n Graybeard combined for all of the RBIs. Angel "Scowlin' Wade" Guzman, Carlos "Cap'n Hugo" Marmol, and Kevin "Scurvy Gums" Gregg held the pirates down for the count.

Ay, the galley was rip-roaring with good cheer, and the beer was flowing freely. Fans, ye need not hang your heads in shame, for ye crew of misfits can hit, and can win, the scurvy dogs proved it to ya.

See ye on the other side of the world ye scallywags. Ted "the butcher" Lilly will be cuttin' 'em down for ye.

Great vacation, dismal return

2009-08-14T10:29:00.001-07:00

So I got to see exactly two ballgames while on vacation, one against the Reds (Cubs the winner!) and one against the Rockies (Cubs win!). I would like to pretend the rest of the Rockies series and the Phillies series just didn't happen. It was the stuff of nightmares.

So the Cubs sit at 4.5 games behind the disgusting, hated, roid-raging Cardinals, but the good news is that the next two series are with the bottom of the barrel Pirates and Padres. The Cubs must take, or dare I say sweep these two series, because after that, the Cubs visit the Dodgers. Can we even hope that the Dodgers will crumble for us like they did for the Cardnials? Probably not even wise to hope that, you will only be disappointed.

Also disappointing - Jake Peavy went to White Sox after all, even though he said he didn't want to play for them earlier. And why is it this guy is not in a Cubs uniform may I ask? Hendry? Anyone? Bueler? Hello out there is trade-land - are the Cubs not able to pick up anyone (or anyone any good) because of the ownership issues? Does that mean we just write this season off? Hey - we've been doing that for 100 years, can we PLEASE, PLEASE, get a team together that can win!!

As you can tell, I, along with many many other Cubs fans are frustrated beyond belief at this season. It's frustrating to see 11, 12 or even 13 hits on the board, but only 3 or less runs. It's frustrating to not know which Marmol is pitching the filthy nasty Marm, or the "walk in a run" Marm. Same goes for Gregg. Sometimes he is closer-like and awesome, and others, well, let's just say he's not. And the hitting is the most frustrating of all. The powerhouse of the team, Ramirez, has been injured for a good portion of the season, and Lee seems to be slumping again. The rest of the bunch are hot and cold, but never, it seems, all hot at the same time. And WHERE'S HOFFPOWER?!?!All of the starting pitchers with the exception of Wells has been on the DL. (and I'm not counting "the shark" as a starter for obvious reasons.)

If the Cubs can't win against the Pirates and the Padres, the season is pretty much over. At least then, we can all just relax (and sober up).

24 runs in 24 hours- that's round the clock fun!

2009-07-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't think I would ever be typing that the Cubs scored 24 runs in two days. Remember those days not so long ago when they seemed incapable of scoring even the tiniest of runs? Well I prefer to just put the past behind us and forget all about that time of year scathingly referred to as "the first half". The first half is dead to me. We now have pitchers pitching awesomely, and hitters hitting awesomely, and everything is beautiful, except those damn Cardinals just won't go away!

I'm sort of sad that Kevin Hart was traded to the Pirates for lefty Grabow and another guy relegated to AAA. Not sure why we would trade someone with so much talent and potential to someone in our own division, but maybe the need for a lefty outweighed the needs of the "People for the Ethical Treatment of Kevin Hart", who now has to play for a team wallowing in last place in the division. (and frankly, they suck). Poor Kevin - we will miss you for your coolness under pressure and the fact that your name is so easy to use in catchy headlines.

I'm taking a vacation next week, and will not be posting - and more than likely will not even be able to see or hear Cubs games. Wow, you might be thinking, is she going to Europe, or Mexico? Nope, just Ohio - Indians territory. Be back soon, in the meantime GO CUBBIES!!!

Head, shoulders, knees and toes, and feet

2009-07-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

Well Ted is on the DL for his shoulder and knee, and now just after Demp comes back from a toe injury, Reed Johnson is put on the DL for a foot injury. Johnson fractured his left foot after fouling a ball off of it in his first at-bat Wednesday. He could be out a whole very long, long month. August is just going to suck with out Ted and Reed to look at.

Aside from the strange injuries that keep plaguing this team -- the good news is that the Cubs did pound the Astros 12-0, and Randy Wells established himself as a STUD.

Mitch Atkins made his debut in the Big Show, and was looking pretty good. Of course after Heilman's absolute monstrosity of an inning last night, it would not take much to look good.

What is he, like 12?

Long Balls (heh) win the game for the Cubbies

2009-07-28T05:23:00.000-07:00

Twelve and a half innings of frustration and one minute of sheer orgasmic pleasure. (insert juvenile sex joke of your choice here)

I had to go get acrylic nails put on because during the first half I chewed my fingernails to the nub. I might have been down to my knuckles last night if I hadn't done that. And the roller-coaster ride continues....

These two teams are well-matched, maybe too well matched, we went into extra innings twice before, and also won in the bottom of the ninth in May on..wait for it... a Fonzy home run. Before this series, the Cubs have won six and lost four to the Asstrohs. I think we should do better against a team that has guys named "Pudge" and "Wandy", right?

Cubs sweep the Dust-y Reds out of town

2009-07-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

Brewers, Astros and Cardinal all lose, leaving the Cubs at the TOP of the central division, that's FIRST PLACE folks!

The hero of the day was Rich Harden who allowed only one hit - a Votto home run in the first inning. He struck out eight and walked none in six innings. After the Votto home run, Super-Harden retired 16 batters in a row. All that, AND a great tushy.

Also of note: Fukudome drew a walk, got a hit with RBI's and proved that he can throw that ball from center field to home plate. And Koyie Hill, with his parents in the audience, got his first triple.

But most importantly of all, the Cubs are on a roll, and the Cardinals are off to play the Dodgers. Oh happy, happy joy, joy.

I Heart Hart

2009-07-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

Hart begins his third year with Chicago in stellar form, after he spent a lot of time bouncing back and forth between Chicago and Iowa. It didn't hurt Hart that he got plenty of run support. Wait, did I say plenty of run support? Why, yes I did. Ramirez hit a two-run homer, and Soriano and Bradley had solo shots.

Hart had a secret weapon though, he was being coached by Ted Lilly in the dugout, so how could he lose? "He was sitting next to me the whole day in the dugout, helping me out between innings, talking to me about pitch selection and how to throw to hitters, and that's a big help," Hart said of Lilly. "Teddy's a gamer. You try to bring the same energy he would bring every time you take the mound."

Hey, Reed, if you hadn't missed that catch, the caption might be a little bit nicer.

Cubs Harangue Harang

2009-07-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

....and he hassles them back with a 3-run homer. No matter though, that was not enough, and the Cubs prevail, 8-5. Not without some gut-wrenching in the ninth (I'm talking to YOU Gregg.)

Other things that happened during the game.....

Holy Shorts Batman! Cubs Win!

2009-07-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

So maybe I was too quick to suggest that everyone would need to be drunk to enjoy today's game. Clearly I was wrong, and I can admit that. I, for instance, was at work, ah-hem, working, while the game was going on, and I was decidedly NOT drunk. I was able to follow along on line, but clearly this game, the only one of the series I couldn't actually watch, was the best game of the series. Unless you're a masochist. Then you may have liked either Monday's or Tuesday's very painful games.

Not only did the Cubs win today, they scored TEN runs, and blasted 13 hits. This is after scoring only one run in each of the last two games. In this Bazarro World baseball game, Jeff Baker(!) and Rami each had doubles, Theriot was 3-5 with a walk thrown in, and Soriano(!) and Bradley(?) each had two hits that scored runs. Zambrano gave up 10 hits and 5 runs, which would have lost the game yesterday, but today, for some reason known only to the Baseball Gods, it didn't. So the roller coaster ride that is the 2009 season continues. When do we get off?

Top 10 reasons you may want to be drunk for tonight's game

2009-07-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

Am I too obsessed with alcohol-related pictures and posts? no?

10) Big Z on the mound, and this could be a beautiful thing, or really, really ugly.

9)It could be a sweep for the Phillies

8) Victorino

7) Everytime Raul Ibanez does something good (like that spectaular catch yesterday), I keep thinking "He could have been playing for the Cubs"

6) Cubs offense - and I'm using the term "offense" very loosely

5) It could be a sweep for the Phillies

4) Soriano is probably going to start and play left field

3)What are the chances of the AsStrohs beating the Cardinals again?

2)You can't play the drinking game (a shot for every hit) when they don't get any hits

1) Jamie Moyer, yet another player that left the Cubs and got a WS ring....retire already you 46-year-old freak!

Top 10 reasons to sober up and watch tonight's game

2009-07-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

10) After scoring all those runs, the Phillies ought to be tired.

9) Public humiliation is always a sure fire motivator

8) It can't get any worse (Please, God)

7) If Rami hits a Grand Slam, he may just whip off his shirt to run the bases

6) Bradley will not be in the line up

5) WGN-TV will probably show lots of shots of Teddy in the dugout

4) Phillies pitcher Blanton has ERA of 4.44, so that means the Cubs have a better than average chance of scoring at least 4 runs. (I'm stretching here, I know)

3) Rich Harden's smirky cuteness

2) Reason to live: You are not a Sox fan (or Cardinals, or Brewers)

1) We are Cubs fans, we're used to losing and humiliation!

Note: I started my list, then had to go to work at the job that actually pays me, then I came back to finish and saw WAIW count-down list. I was not going to post this because I didn't want to look like a copy-cat and all, but then I said "screw it", and posted anyway.

Sweet, Sweet, Sweet, Sweep

2009-07-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know we swept the worst team in baseball, but that is still better than losing to the worst team in baseball, right?

It was a day where the F-word flew from the lips of fans as they shouted Fontenot!, Fuke!, Fox! and Fonzy! (instead of another F-word that has now become so first half.) This team, yes, THIS (new second-half team that shuns the first half team like the kid that picks his nose in study hall) TEAM, actually got seven (not a mis-print)hits in ONE inning.

So, the fans have started to lose that haunted "Dawn of the Dead" look and are starting to come as alive as the Cubs bats. Hope is back! Optimism is at an all-time high! Don't burst my happy bubble by reminding me the next series is against the WS Champs! We do, after all, have our secret weapon on the mound tomorrow. It's TedsDay!!!

Happy shiny people having fun

2009-07-17T04:55:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I know REM sang it different, but "holding hands" seemed a little inappropriate. A happy shiny brand new WIN for the boys in blue. Boy, did that feel good. I know it's the worst team in baseball, but still, beating up on the Nats should build up some confidence for our hitters. And Rich Harden got a much needed quality start and win as well. Good times all around. Except Bradley, who was 0-5, as if Cubs fans needed more ammo to boo him.

Lou got a BJ in the bullpen (heh), and time will tell if he is another (expletive deleted), or, well, not. Let's hope not, since I'm not sure I have enough hate left in me after spewing it all on (expletive deleted), all year.

I can sum up the first half in one word...

2009-07-14T11:29:00.001-07:00

Mediocre.

The first have ends with the club right at .500. Which is far better than hapless Washington, at .299, but not good enough to be leading (or even second) in the Central Division, or for that matter, any NL division. The Cubs stand poised to attack first place Cardinals, and second place Brewers in the second half. For now, they are tied for third with Houston, but I expect Houston will sink down to the bottom of the division soon after the Cubs/Astros series at the end of July. If anything should boost the guys confidence after the All-Star break, it's coming back and playing Washington for the first series in the second half. That should be a sweep guys, I'm just sayin'.

There was some great quality starts from the pitching staff, including this blogs favorite all star, Ted Lilly. Both Lilly and Big Z recorded their 100th wins the first half of this season. Way to go guys! You ROCK!

Lou got thrown out for arguing with the umpire on yet another really bad call. The thing that makes this news unique is that Lou only argued to the point of getting tossed one time. There were many, many opportunities for Lou to choose from, as the umpires seem to have all gone blind recently. Maybe we can set up a fund and collect donations so they can all go get their eyes checked. In that last game against the Cardinals, even Lou said "the strike zone seemed to expand in the ninth." Yeah, no shit. Everyone watching could see those "strikes" were a foot outside. Everyone except apparently, the guys who are actually supposed to know where the strike zone is.

The Cubs are looking for a left-handed reliever to replace Marshall so Sean can be a starter like he deserves to be. It didn't work out so well with that other lefty in the bullpen -- "he who shall remain nameless".

With a few guys out on the DL - Dempster and Soto are the most critical to get back. The return for both of them is expected to be early August, with Miles and Patton returning late July. If the team stays healthy (NO JUMPING OVER RAILINGS DEMP!), I think there is no reason they cannot make a comeback and take the division in the final game of the regular season, causing a run on Kringles (a flaky fruit or nut filled pastry) in the Milwaukee area, and causing Cardinal fans to rip out their facial hair. The male Cardinal fans might too.

Just be thankful that the injuries are minor and only impact the team for a short time, the Padres have a record 11 guys on the DL. (I don't know if it's a real record, but it should be.)

So, I remain cautiously optimistic for the second half, and selfishly, I want the second half to ROCK because I have tickets to two games in August and September.

Happy 5th of July!

2009-07-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah, the fourth, not so hot, but the second, third and fifth of July were awesome! I am just giddy over that fact that the Cubs took 3 outta 4 from the Brewers, Ted's great game (9 K's and 0 BB!) and the fact that he had great run support. Foxxy Jake Fox once again came through in the clutch, so let's hope the Cubs don't decide to send him down to make room for Johnson and Rami. Considering the roster moves made thus far, no one is safe. Also making me giddy - Ted's an ALLSTAR!!
Of course I, (and Tedheads everywhere) already knew he was an ALLSTAR, but now MLB has made it "official" by granting him an invite to the 2009 Allstar game - after his invitation to last year's event was lost in the mail.

So, yes, I was feeling a little uncertain as to what the Cubs second half would look like, and I was just about ready to just not watch any more games until after the All Star Break, but since the Cubs played as well as we have all been expecting them to play last weekend, I am feeling just a teeny bit better about the chances of the club still being in it come September.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

2009-07-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

Well the Cubs took the first two from the Brewers, assuring at least a split series. The first game was all offense, and I mean offense! ALL the runs scored, count 'em, 9, that's NINE, for those of you who are not familiar with that number up on the scoreboard, were home runs. Two from D-Lee, (one a GRAND slammer), one from Fox and one from Geo. It was nice to see all those runs, to see some actual offense, and yes, a GRAND SALAMI! It was a beautiful thing.

The next game was pretty much as opposite as you can get from game one. (hence the clever headline) Two of the three runs scored in the game (one Brewers, one Cubs) were walk-ins. Three batters were hit by pitches. It was ugly, and I mean, not even at 2:00 in morning with beer goggles on would it look pretty, ugly.

So what's in store for game three? I hope a combination of the two. Good pitching AND some offense, all in the same game? Think that's asking too much?

Lou Loses It, But The Cubs Win

2009-07-02T07:10:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of things Lou should have been upset about over the last couple of months. Such as when Bradley was ejected for "bumping" the umpire, but there was no sign he touched him. Such as when Zambrano was ejected for "bumping the ump" when it was very clear the Ump bumped into Carlos, not the other way around. Even Ted Lilly played the part of Lou, complaining to the umpire about his "strike zone", and getting ejected for his effort to help out. But Lou finally woke up yesterday and got into it with the umpire on a call at first, when Randy Wells was called out when - once again - he was clearly safe. After Lou was ejected in the sixth inning, Wells retired the next six batters he faced, including two strikeouts.

"It's nice Lou had my back," Wells said. "It kind of fired me up to go out there and get through seven and get a win."

See, Lou? The guys want to know that you have their backs! I know you can't get ejected every game, but this is the first time this season and it's July already! What were you waiting for? Let's hope they take that attitude back to Wrigley against the *choke* division leading *choke* (trying to keep from throwing up) Brewers.

Countdown to Lilly's 100 Wins

2009-06-30T11:47:00.001-07:00

Hey! A win!! The Cubs beat the worst team in the division! Um, woo?

It's Tedsday again!! Not that I need to have a reason to go on and on about the goodness of The Ted, or post pictures of him.

This should be his 99th career win tonight against the Pirates. Only two wins away from a career win tally of 100!

Ted was so cute in an interview about DeRosa now playing for "that other team in the NL central". when asked if fans would still cheer him at Wrigley he said. "I think once the game starts and we get going, there will be a lot of cheers when Mark strikes out with men on second and the game on the line," I'm sure he said that with a smirk he borrowed from Harden.

You Win Some, You Lose Some More

2009-06-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

"Well, at least we didn't get swept" is the sound of Cubs fans everywhere lowering their expectations. Remember how high those expectations were over the winter? Two Central Division Championships in a row, and Hendry promised only "tweaks" to the roster. The other teams in the division had major losses to their rosters, or had injuries to major players. Winning the division was almost a cinch, right? Then came the DeRosa trade, the Kerry Wood loss, the additions to the team of problem child Bradley and non-producer Miles. I can't even mention the bullpen without my head exploding. To make matters even worse, our beloved DeRo is now wearing the hated double-male cardinal jersey. I hate you Jim Hendry! I hate you for those high expectations, I hate you for causing the crash from that high, and I blame YOU for DeRosa playing for the Cardinals. What an utter and complete fuck-up that is! But I digress into a rant. I really did not want to do that.

So, I guess the All-Star break can't come soon enough for me. I need a break from baseball, from the Cubs losing, from the Cubs MIA offense, from the anger I feel every time I see fucking AJ fucking Pierzynsky. Gee I can't wait until July 10-12 when we will see DeRo in that fucking Cardinal jersey. oops. Ranted again.

After all that, and all I got was a shaving cream pie and a beer shower?

2009-06-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

Well, how about that! Randy Wells finally got his first major league win, and only about two months late. I just hope that the shaving cream pie in the face doesn't give the scruffy stud an idea to shave.

This time Randy got plenty of run support, but for some reason I was still nervous with leaving that 4-run lead up to the bullpen. Why? Oh yeah, that's because the bullpen blew it before for Randy. After some anxiety, the bullpen eventually (longest 3 innings EVER!) came through for Randy as he hid in the weight room. Can you blame him?

All I can say is FINALLY! Way to Go! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord - and pass the ammunition, because we are headed to Detroit with a brief layover in Atlanta.

Oh Cubs, You Spoil Us So

2009-06-20T17:58:00.000-07:00

You know when your significant other does something that really pisses you off, so they try to make it up to you by getting you gifts and being extra nice for a few days? That's what these last three games have felt like. With the Cubs playing the part of my significant other (only the stuff of my dreams), who, yes, I've been pretty pissed at lately, what with the missing offense and all. I even found myself looking at hot men that were wearing a uniform that was NOT a Cubs uniform (who shall remain nameless). That's how ticked off I was. Well the Cubs just gave us ticked off fans three lovely gifts, one from an old flame named Woody. See,I can't stay mad at you Cubs, not when you win like you have the last few days. Not when Ted looks so sad when striking out, not when Soriano hustles on offense and defense, not when Andy White, Riot, FUKE! and The Hoff (and pretty much the entire team) is extra special nice, and I absolutely cannot stay mad at you when D-Lee hits 4 home runs in the last 3 games! I heart you guys!

Up by 7 - Game Over. Not so Fast Indian Fans

2009-06-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

TWO three-run Homers off Harden? Game over, right? Well that attitude is soo last week. The Cubs came back from large deficits in the 8th inning for the second game in a row, and what a spectacular come back it was! D-Lee homered twice, and keys hits by Bradley, Blanco, Soriano and Theriot...Wait did I just say key hits? With men in scoring position? The Cubs? The New and Improved Late June Cubs.

There I was, listening to Pat and Ron (since I don't get CSN), chatting with the Cubbloggers and playing a computer game (well, in my defense, they were down 7 runs), when the tornado sirens went off. So I logged off my computer and went to the basement and turned on the radio down there. Not to check to see if a tornado was heading my way, but to tune into the game. So as lightning and thunder danced all over the sky, and my backyard quickly became a lake, I stayed glued to the radio for the spectacular finish. I thought Ron was going to pass out. I know I almost did.

Why I hate the White Sox

2009-06-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

I didn't grow up in Chicago, so I don't have any of that "born in the north side" or "born in the south side" bias going on. I moved here with little preconceptions - I grew up as a Cincinnati Reds fan, only because my father was a Reds fan. Now, of course, I see the error of my ways. (At least he didn't root for an American League team).

So I moved here to the Chicagoland area about 15 years ago and found myself enjoying an afternoon game at Wrigley, courtesy of my place of employment. It was cold, the hotdogs were mushy, the beer was overpriced, but it was the most enjoyment I had ever had at a baseball game. So I fell in love with Wrigley and the Cubs.

US Cellular Field. Ozzie has the nerve to dis the beautiful, classic and picturesque Wrigley Field when his team plays in the ghetto, in a stadium that is mostly empty, and the fans that are there could hardly spell class, much less have any. I have been to the aptly nicknamed cell (and I'm thinking more prison cell than cell phone), and it was awful. Yes, there is plenty of good food, as many a Sox fan has bragged. I actually saw someone bring a whole pizza to his seat. How do you eat an entire pizza while holding it, and a beer in your lap? If your "date night" consists of a dinner at the ballpark, you might be a White Sox fan.

Ozzie. Oy Vey, where to start? He is a thug. A thug that either doesn't think before he opens his mouth, or says whatever he is thinking without a thought of filtering it. Do you think Lou has really said what he was thinking these last couple of months? I would bet you that what he says to the media is far different that what he says in the clubhouse behind closed doors. But not Ozzie, he goes on TV bad-mouthing his own players, the other team, the umpires, no one is safe from his excuse-ridden press conferences.

The players. They are all thugs. AJ Pierzynski is the biggest thug of all. And what's with the bleach blond hair AJ? You are not a rock star. Not even in your head.

The fans. They are thugs. When you brave the drive into Cellular field, park in a lot that you trust your car is safe in, then walk through all the Sox fans giving you the evil eye, (and sometimes other body parts are waved at you in an unfriendly manner) you can count yourself lucky if you make it to the stadium without getting in a fight. There is no "friendly confines" going on there.

So the win yesterday was great not just because it was a much-needed win for the team, and for the suffering fans, but because it was a win for the good guys. GO CUBS GO!

"Crazy is fun"

2009-06-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is a direct quote from the sweet mouth of Ted Lilly, as he talked to reporters about the Cubs-Sox series. Looking good in golf attire, Ted, Randy "I should have a win by now" Wells, and other past and present Cubs played for charity at Ron Santo's JDRF golf outing Monday.

Ted also stated that a sweep of the southsiders would be sweet, but not as sweet as your eyes Teddy, not as sweet as your eyes.

More interviews with Cubs players at Ron Santo's golf tournament.
http://www.wgntv.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=3868582

It Was a Riot

2009-06-15T07:55:00.001-07:00

It was a brand new shiny win for the Cubs after four losses in a row. Only the Brewers and Cardinals losses helped keep the Cubs within spitting distance of the top of the NL Central. Ted Lilly, of course, awesome on the mound, but not so stellar at the plate. Maybe he is still tired from that triple the other day. Leaving with the score tied means no W for Teddy, but Cardiac Carlos comes through again, and Riot hits in SOMEONE IN SCORING POSITION!!! After a few days of - makes me feel dirty just saying it - rooting for the White Sox, it's back to hating them for the "Cross-town Classic" or as I like to call it "Rumble in the Ivy". Geo - AJ is all yours.

Getting to know the Minnesota Twins.

2009-06-12T07:58:00.001-07:00

They are dorks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTDkbLMM55M

Thank you Cubs for NOT singing in any commercials.

Catch me if you can

2009-06-12T06:32:00.001-07:00

OK, ladies, let's talk about Joe Mauer, hunky catcher for the Minnesota twins. Man among men, batting average over .400, OBP over .400, 36 RBI's and 12 HRs. Definitely drool-worthy. Sorry girls, I couldn't find any shirtless pictures of Joe.
I have always had a thing for catchers. Is it the big thighs, the "crotch shots", the mask? Who knows? My first "catcher crush" was the Cincinnati Reds Johnny Bench.
Yeah, I know, but I was like 10 at the time.

Then I had a crush on Michael Barrett, which turned into real love when he punched AJ Pierzynski. I never get tired of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSw6MHvZoa0

I met Barrett at an autograph signing in Gurnee. I stood in line for about an hour and an half practicing what I was going to say when I finally got to him. Finally it was my turn to go up to the table and all I could squeak out was "Hi Michael". At least I didn't shout out that I loved him or anything.

After Barrett was gone, there came along another hunky catcher named Geo.

Any excuse to post this picture of Geo shirtless!

So my crush for catchers lives on. Honestly though, if Ted Lilly wants to take out Mauer at the plate this weekend, I'm fine with that!

Seriously offense - One run?

2009-06-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

OK boys in blue, let's not go back to the days not so long ago when the offense was unable to score more than one run (or less) a game. After the 7 wonderful runs in Tuesday's game, the Cubs nation breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that maybe the dry spell of offense was over and NOW WAS TIME that the Cubs would take advantage of the St. Louis and Milwaukee dive-bombing to take over first place in the division. But, alas, that was not the case last night. There was no taking advantage. Big Z had a good game...Oh how I am tiring of saying that the starting pitching was good or great, but either the bullpen F's it up, or the offense CAN'T SCORE A RUN!

See, you are forcing me to post this douche with the douchey hat instead of the "W" flag!

He pitches! He Triples! He Scores!

2009-06-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

A Tedtastic, Tedriffic, Tedmendous and Tamazing game! A 6+ inning shut out and a triple! Confused and impressed Asstrohs quote: "I don't even know how I missed some of his pitches," Pence said. "But he just has everything going different directions, and he is just really crafty and smart." He forgot to add "a robot, an alien or superman"

Reds recap: 34 Innings, 2 wins, empty bullpen

2009-06-08T05:31:00.000-07:00

In the 14th inning of game three against the Cincinnati Reds, Sean Marshall was the lone pitcher in the bullpen. Wells left the game after 6 2/3 innings with a one run lead. Do I even need to talk about the bullpen screwing up a win for him AGAIN? Waddell, Marmol, Heilman, Gregg, Ascanio, Patton and Guzman all "relieved", but Marmol walked his first two batters which allowed a run to score off of a single when Heilman was pitching. But the rest of the guys in the bullpen did their job, but not without some finger nail biting. Soriano hit a home run to get the Cubs a lead, and Lee and Johnson got us some insurance runs.

Big Z won his 100th game on Friday, and hit a home run. Lee, Theriot and Soriano all had hits in every game of the series, but the team as a whole is still having issues with getting men in scoring position home. Atlanta and Cincinnati should both have been sweeps, instead, there were 4 extra inning games in the two series, of which the Cubs won two and lost two. Get it together boys, it's June already!

Tedtastic, Hoff-powerful, and D-leecious

2009-06-04T05:46:00.000-07:00

OK, it wasn't a great win (who thought we would go into extra innings two games in a row with the Braves), but the guys played like the pros they claim to be, and got runners in scoring position home. Ted was awesome - no runs in the first five innings, relief pitching didn't suck, and it is so nice to have "good D-Lee" back! Now that they know they can win on the road, let's finish off this series, and the next, and the next over .500!

Team sits Gregg down by Gatorade machine...

2009-06-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

Then gives Randy Wells a bat...

Poster in Wells locker

If only this game could have ended with rain, or some other Divine intervention after 7 innings. Randy has clearly pissed off someone up there, or in the bullpen. I mean, the guy was almost perfect. He couldn't even get a break from the umpires tonight, when the Ump called a hit batter and the ball clearly hit the bat handle. So he leaves the game with a four run lead, and Marmol, in his usual fashion, makes all of us run for the Xanax. Then our closer (do I need to remind you how awesome Wood was last year as our closer?) comes in and completely gives the game away. WTF Gregg? GFY Gregg. I hate you Gregg. (you are getting dangerously close to Cotts territory Gregg. )

Marshall forgets how to pitch in the first Inning

2009-06-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Sean Marshall allowed 5 runs to score right off the bat (heh) in the top of the first inning, and the Cubs never climbed out of that enormous hole. Fans were just thankful for a split series with the Dodgers, and very, very thankful that they did not have to look at woManny.

While watching the game and chatting over at CUBblogging, I also found time to find a couple of really cute pictures of my obsession, Ted Lilly.

Young Ted circa 2003:

Yes, Ted does smile, and quite nicely too!

In my head, this is October 2008

2009-05-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

I had houseguests for the weekend, so I did not get a chance to watch more than a few minutes of the games Friday and Saturday. The wins were just as sweet - Teddy shuts 'em down Friday and Reed lights them up on Saturday! Tonight, I'm watching the whole thing and don't anybody try and stop me.

TWO IN A ROW!

2009-05-27T16:03:00.001-07:00

I have lowered my standards and expectations. Two wins in a row seems like winning the division after all those horrible losses. Big Z did tag that Pirate at home plate and by the way, the Ump bumped him, probably just so he could then throw him out. The poor Gatorade machine took another beating, this time from Z's bat. I think they should put a punching bag in there, or one of those wobble clowns that never tip over. Fonzy, Riot, Johnson, Bradley (triple!), Soto all contributed. Andy White (Andres Blanco) - where have you been all my life? Freel was hurt, but frankly, that may be a good thing to get that guy out of the line up. The Cubs called up Jake Fox, who immediately contributed as well. and in the best news of all left-handed reliever Jason Waddell replaced Neal Cottsss in the bullpen!!!!! BOBBY SCALES! was also sent to to Triple-A Iowa though, which is sad.

Rain Schmain, a Win is Still a Win

2009-05-27T05:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone played like they just woke up from a really good nap. Which, if the past week is any indication, they had a good long nap. Marshall was awesome (and cute), Fuke, Hoff, Riot, Fonzy, and Little Babe Fontenot all had hits. Hill at least had a walk, but Freel contributed nothing as usual. Um, Freel, or Farney, whoever is responsible for your batting, Marshall has a better batting average than you do. In fact, only a handful of pitchers have worse batting averages. Ever wonder why we got this guy so cheap? The great thing about the rain-shortened game, Cottsss did not make an appearance and screw things up for Marshall.

Bad News Bears

2009-05-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

The good news is that the offense woke up. The bad news is the pitching now sucks almost as bad as the offense has in the last week, and for some unfathomable reason Neil Cottssss still has a job!!

No, flag burning has not gone out of style

2009-05-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

Didn't think I needed this anymore....

No, don't get all excited, just because you see the remnants of a 'W' flag in this post, does not mean the Cubs won. I just thought I'd get the poor thing out of the fireplace and air it out just in case Teddy manages to both shut out the Padres, and score the winning run. (Not out the realm of possibility)

Different Location, same bad playing

2009-05-23T05:35:00.000-07:00

If we thought that a change of scenery was what the Cubs Offense (assuming there is one somewhere) needed to get out of the doldrums they've been in for a WEEK now, well, you were wrong. Still no runs, 5 hits and yes, 16 strikeouts. WTF?

Well, shit

2009-05-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I kind of feel like that...

This is beginning to makes me nuts, guys. A sweep by the Cardinals? Seriously that was the best you could do? If the Cubs don't win soon, I'm on the next train to crazy-town, so please win. I'm begging you to please just TRY to win. I'm talking to all of you tools that didn't show up in St. Louis. That's everyone except Lilly, Dempster and Marshall, who pitched well and didn't deserve to take those losses. I'm bitter. Very very bitter. And I wish I was drunk.

'Nuff said

2009-05-21T05:20:00.000-07:00

Please, please please don't get swept by those dirty birds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ted to teammates: "A little help?"

2009-05-20T06:02:00.001-07:00

No, Teddy didn't bring his best stuff last night, but just because the Cardinals scored 3 runs off of him, doesn't necessarily mean a loss (see his first win of the season). However, if your teammates couldn't hit the ball if it hovered over the plate for 5 seconds, that makes a difference.
Losing to the Cardinals without even scoring a run is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. My recommendation is to swallow said pill(s) with alcoholic beverage of your choice to make the pain go away.

Cubs Pitchers Ascanio and Cottsss switch bodies

2009-05-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

As Neil Cotts and Jose Ascanio warmed up side-by-side in the Cubs bullpen, those watching closely may have seen a brief but bright flash of light and dismissed it as sunlight reflecting off of the gold front tooth of Farney, who was lurking about the bullpen. However, what transpired during that flash was more horrible than any man can imagine. The pitching "abilities" of Cotts were removed from his body and replaced with Ascanio's - (although in a bazaar twist, he retained his left-handedness). That in itself would not have been too horrible, however, the nightmare had just begun for Ascanio, who now had received Cotts' pitching prowess. Ascanio, unknowing of the horror that was about to befall him, and all the Cubs fans watching, went to the mound in the 7th inning. He promptly hit the first two batters. Then allowed a single which scored a run, then threw a wild pitch to score another run. Ascanio hung his head, then looked over at the bullpen with a questioning look. Could it be? Cotts gave Ascanio a little smug smile, and Ascanio knew, just knew, something had happened over there in the bullpen. On this sunny beautiful day, evil was afoot.

Wrigley groundskeepers chase after Gregg with a hose....

2009-05-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

Randy Wells (ERA 0.00), that's right, a big fat nothin', zip, nada, zero point zero, did not get the win over the Asstros today, thanks in a large part (actually all of it) to Kevin "hit this" Gregg. Marshall got a cheap win by getting the last out. Fonzy hit a single in the bottom of the ninth to get BOBBY SCALES! home for the winning run.

Wrigley groundskeepers hose down visitors bullpen to get the stink out

2009-05-14T14:26:00.000-07:00

Six doubles, two by BOBBY SCALES! and 10 walks helped the Cubs to sweep the hapless Padres right outta town. Other 2 baggers were from Dempster, Johnson, Miles, and Theriot.

Good times, good times.